So Kenny and his wife finally made it to pick me up. The rejoining of Kenny and I in a new phase of our lives was exciting, but with awkwardness from all parties. Kenny's wife, Kate, had never met me before. As I introduced myself to her, she looked me up and down with apprehension. I found her to be one of the most attractive women I've ever seen, even though she had recently battled leukemia. This fact I then attributed to being locked up in prison for so long. She came up close to me when I offered to shake her hand, so close that she broke the understood barrier of comfort between two people. She starred deeply into my eyes and clasped my dry large hand with her small oily and soft hand. I couldn't help getting a partial erection. Her expensive perfume permeated my nostrils and made my brain circuits explode like fireworks. I looked from Kate to Kenny and saw him give me a stunned look of jealousy and anger. I tried to make things less tense by talking about our childhood, but ended up suffering from a coughing fit, probably from my upset nerves.

When all three of us were in the prison parking lot walking towards the car, I felt a pinch on my left butt cheek. I looked up and saw Kate smiling. Kate was the type of woman that when she had her sights on a man, she would do anything in her power to attain him and break him down for her pleasure. Her and Kenny married fairly recently. I found out eventually from her that their relationship started weeks after she found out she had leukemia. Of course she kept her disease secret to Kenny until their marriage was finalized. They only dated for about four months before they tied the knot. Kenny at this time was a successful engineer. He owned his own house, had a nice car, and money in the bank. The only thing that Kenny lacked was attractiveness. He was short, hairy in all the wrong places, and often had bad breath. His whole life, Kenny embraced altruism to make up for his short comings. Looking back on it now, his altruistic compensation was the reason that we became friends and that he offered for me to stay at his place when my Dad died. It could have even been the reason he contacted me when I was locked up.

In prison I had a lot of time to think. At one point, I became interested in the subject of altruism, or giving without receiving anything in return. The flaw though is that giving often leads to an internal satisfaction on the end of the giver which balances the interaction, hence making it not altruistic. Pure altruism is rare in the world, and if it exists, the person doing it must either be crazy or some sort of god. Kenny was neither crazy nor a god. He was just an average sucker living the nine to five life while trying to keep busy enough to not see how bad his life was falling apart. He usually ignored his kids and treated his wife like she owed him one. He expected sex when he demanded it which wasn't often since he was so stressed and overworked. Kate would willingly submit because it didn't last long and would allow her to throw it in his face later when she wanted something more important.

After a few days at Kenny's house, I started to notice that no one was paying much attention to the kids. They were often thrown in a playpen in front of the television or locked into the play room without any supervision.

Ah, my library time is already up. More to come soon.

Free at last

Even though I was paroled, I still had to be in prison for a few more weeks. One day in my cell, I was listening to the rain pouring outside. No thoughts occurred in my head. I walked to the corner of my room and sat down against the wall. I pulled my knees towards my chest and wrapped my arms around them, hanging my head, and slowly closing my eyes while taking a deep breath. This was an inhalation of a man that no longer chased desire. I thought for a second to myself that the prison system was actually working, but then let that thought drift away. For the first time in my life, I felt secure and content. As I exhaled, my body fell towards the ground into a limp mass.

I couldn't open my eyes. Everything turned white and a force, like a giant, gentle, invisible hand picked me up and started taking my Being upward. My human eyesight no longer existed, and even my physical body was gone. The hand was carrying my essence through the white light to a destination. After some time, I started hearing someone shouting my name. I wanted to bathe in the glorious white realm forever, but recognized the voice as someone familiar, the voice of an angel. I tried to open my eyes up and escape this force encompassing me, but it wouldn't let go. Then I listened to that voice closer and realized it was the sweet cooing of Yolanda.

This brought back memories of my years at the bakery. During this time, I meet a few women besides Yolanda that I thought I had a genuine interest in. I had many one night stands, some of them were painless. Other times I started to form an emotional bond which terrified me. When this happened, I immediately cut all ties with the person because I was afraid of Yolanda finding out. I hated what I was doing, but I had been attempting to fill a void. So many of these nights were a result of heavy drinking, leading to loneliness that eradicated any filter of selection that I normally possessed. Some nights it was so bad that I would have willingly gone home with the next person that made eye contact with me. I noticed that the people I used fit no specific pattern, and that the only thing that linked these women together were the fact that I wasn't thinking about them during the act. My mind was elsewhere and every single night I fell asleep to the thought of Yolonda, not the person who I had just had passionate meaningless intercourse with. I longed for her. None of these women were Yolonda and this would lead me down a bad road.

I did everything in my power to break free and eventually woke up in a hospital bed with a nurse saying my name. Yolanda wasn't there, but the nurse's voice sounded frighteningly similar. She told me that I had been in a coma for two weeks. The doctor came in later that day and told me that I was on the verge of death because I gave up the will to live.

My lawyers helped me get in contact with Kenny because I needed a place to stay. I convinced Kenny that he owed me one, even though I was the one that always owed him, and he and his wife decided to take a road trip from Texas to pick me up at the prison in Colorado. The excitement was almost too much to bare, but with my new calm outlook on life I waited patiently and planned for the future.