Free at last

Even though I was paroled, I still had to be in prison for a few more weeks. One day in my cell, I was listening to the rain pouring outside. No thoughts occurred in my head. I walked to the corner of my room and sat down against the wall. I pulled my knees towards my chest and wrapped my arms around them, hanging my head, and slowly closing my eyes while taking a deep breath. This was an inhalation of a man that no longer chased desire. I thought for a second to myself that the prison system was actually working, but then let that thought drift away. For the first time in my life, I felt secure and content. As I exhaled, my body fell towards the ground into a limp mass.

I couldn't open my eyes. Everything turned white and a force, like a giant, gentle, invisible hand picked me up and started taking my Being upward. My human eyesight no longer existed, and even my physical body was gone. The hand was carrying my essence through the white light to a destination. After some time, I started hearing someone shouting my name. I wanted to bathe in the glorious white realm forever, but recognized the voice as someone familiar, the voice of an angel. I tried to open my eyes up and escape this force encompassing me, but it wouldn't let go. Then I listened to that voice closer and realized it was the sweet cooing of Yolanda.

This brought back memories of my years at the bakery. During this time, I meet a few women besides Yolanda that I thought I had a genuine interest in. I had many one night stands, some of them were painless. Other times I started to form an emotional bond which terrified me. When this happened, I immediately cut all ties with the person because I was afraid of Yolanda finding out. I hated what I was doing, but I had been attempting to fill a void. So many of these nights were a result of heavy drinking, leading to loneliness that eradicated any filter of selection that I normally possessed. Some nights it was so bad that I would have willingly gone home with the next person that made eye contact with me. I noticed that the people I used fit no specific pattern, and that the only thing that linked these women together were the fact that I wasn't thinking about them during the act. My mind was elsewhere and every single night I fell asleep to the thought of Yolonda, not the person who I had just had passionate meaningless intercourse with. I longed for her. None of these women were Yolonda and this would lead me down a bad road.

I did everything in my power to break free and eventually woke up in a hospital bed with a nurse saying my name. Yolanda wasn't there, but the nurse's voice sounded frighteningly similar. She told me that I had been in a coma for two weeks. The doctor came in later that day and told me that I was on the verge of death because I gave up the will to live.

My lawyers helped me get in contact with Kenny because I needed a place to stay. I convinced Kenny that he owed me one, even though I was the one that always owed him, and he and his wife decided to take a road trip from Texas to pick me up at the prison in Colorado. The excitement was almost too much to bare, but with my new calm outlook on life I waited patiently and planned for the future.